The hardest thing about writing honestly is exactly that…being honest. Let’s face it; no one wants to admit when things aren’t going wonderfully. Just take a look at almost any social media account. Sure you have the emo “woe is me” bunch, and the ones who thrive on drama, but in general people only post shiny happy things. Even on my own social media accounts 90+% of my posts are positive. Typically my Instagram photos consist of good booze, fatty food, the cats, and me in a banana suit. My Twitter posts can reveal when I am having a bad day, but more often than not I only ramble about random things that seem to end up being more sexual in nature (hence why I have a locked account). The delicate balance of wanting to stay positive, while sometimes battling the negative aspects of life is daunting. Ergo I have avoided writing for over a year.
Occasionally I would start to work on a post, but it would never see its way to fruition. Instead I would allow myself to get caught up in all of the reasons my brain could come up with to not write. But now, well now I am attempting to recommit myself to writing…and it scares me. My fear comes from the desire to be honest, but somehow feel like I am not completely exposed – my writing style however doesn’t mesh well with that idea. So, here I go again. Back to the writing I love, but with a deep down fear that somehow something I write will be my undoing.
I have been publishing my thoughts online for almost 10 years, but my place in life keeps shifting so I am always wary of who will search for me online and use my thoughts against me. Of course not everyone out there spends as much time on the internets as I do, and certainly not everyone searches the name of someone they know, but still I have this perhaps irrational fear of a part of my life being negatively affected by my online antics. But, here I go again.
I am however, planning on attacking my writing differently by separating my posts between my two sites; chasesterling.com and beawesomeproject.com. My namesake site will consist of a hodge podge of my thoughts, basically just as it is now. There I will vent about life, agonize about my impending foot surgeries, and simply try to decide what the hell I am doing with my life. I will also be re-focusing on this site, but am wavering on doing it now or simply waiting for the new year because, procrastination. I developed a system, in my brain and on a whiteboard anyway, on how to make life awesome and I need to start/stay committed to the process.
Woooo! Look at that. I wrote something and on a side note I did it on a plane to Seattle
So what now? Well I am going to get back to my love of writing and share what has happened since I took an extended hiatus. I’d like to be able to say “I’m going to write every day, or post X number of times a week” but when I do that instead of staying accountable to myself I create super awesome excuses to not write. What will motivate me? You. The amazing people who take time out of your lives to share in mine. Your love, thoughts, messages, and even more has kept me going and for those of you I have interacted with you are never far from my mind. I am still unsure of where my life is headed…but I hope you will stay with me as I continue on my evolution.
#BeAwesome ~ Chase